‘God Why Did You Make Me This Way?’

About 2 years ago I would never appear in a public setting without makeup. It was the most humiliating thing I could ever do to myself. I remember one very important work conference I forgot my makeup kit at home, in another city. Upon that realisation, I sat on the toilet seat in my hotel room and cried. I rallied up my friends for a midnight run to Tesco for some substitute make-up for the morning.Unfortunately, they had every shade but mine so I settled for looking a couple of shades lighter. It was at this moment that I realised how insecure I had become because of my acne.For those of you who’ve suffered from acne and major break-outs, you know the struggle. I was Insecure to the point that when the fire alarm went off in the hotel I didn’t want to leave the building because I didn’t want anyone to see me without makeup.

At this point, I’m sure you are thinking, ‘jheeze Bronwyn that’s quite sad.’ I agree, but that’s exactly why I decided to write this post because I know that there are many girls out there who struggle with insecurities. It may not be acne but for some of you girls, it’s your weight, skin tone, scars, the shape of your nose, breast size or whatever else that when you look in the mirror all you can think is I could change this about myself. Some of you may be secretly mad at God thinking he was spiteful by allowing you to have these imperfections.

I had tried every acne skin care product on the market, changed my diet, doctors recommendations with very little success. It wasn’t a case of me sitting around and wishing it would go away. For some of you, you are frustrated because you have tried everything but you still hate what you see in the mirror. You tried the weight loss pills, the skin bleaching and nothing seems to work. You see yourself through the lens of your imperfections. You hate looking in the mirror because you don’t like what you see. It makes you feel depressed at times.

After painful realisation of how insecure I was without makeup, I spent the following weeks after that work conference bare faced because I knew I had issues that needed to be dealt with. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life hiding behind makeup. I had to ask God to give me some courage to face these insecurities head on.It doesn’t mean God made the acne disappear but he made me able to see myself beyond the acne.

How did I do it?

  1. I got real with God. I made this my main prayer point for a few weeks. God came through y’all. In the times when we struggle to see the beauty in ourselves, He is willing to help us see it. A genuine prayer like, ‘God help me see the beauty in myself’ or ‘God help me see myself beyond my imperfection(s)’.It’s one thing to make this prayer passively. It’s another thing when you make this prayer with a genuine desire to see God’s heart when he made you. When a manufacturer makes a product and something doesn’t add up, of course, you ask for the missing information. It’s the same with your relationship with God. Be real and tell Him that, ‘God you told me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made please help me see the beauty you intended.’ God will show up. I promise you!! He will help you deal with the issue internally first before you are then able to conquer it externally. If it’s your weight, He will help you see your beauty beyond the weight then grace you with the ability to conquer the donuts. When God says you are fearfully and wonderfully made He didn’t mean when you tick the boxes of what society calls beautiful. He said this way before society defined what was beautiful. Whatever it is that you don’t like about your body God is real in bringing wholeness.

  2. Self-affirmation. Every Time I would go out into a formal setting and would worry about what people would think of my bare face, I had to affirm myself.Was it easy? Of course not. It was over several months of reaffirming myself that I can do this and going on a journey of self-acceptance. Now I’ve got to the point where my make-up free days are my absolute favourite.  I realised that I glorified makeup more to make me feel secure and confident. Although It’s important to take care of your shell but most importantly the contents. Outward show is a poor substitute for inner worth. Sort out your insides

I guess this is a challenge to someone out there who has insecurities that hold them back. When you face the things you are most insecure about, you will conquer and realise that you are way more than the insecurities you are allowing to have power over you.The whole journey has taught me to love myself unconditionally. I knew that if I didn’t love myself with the acne there was no way I would learn to love myself without it. When the acne on my face eventually clears it’s a bonus because I already celebrate the person I am beyond it and I want to invite you to love yourself beyond your insecurities.

Psalm 139:14(ESV)

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

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Disclaimer: Acne is down to your genes more than it is food, skin care products, etc. If you suffer from acne I recommend a dermatologist, not a doctor. I understand a picture of my bare face would have been ideal but I know that the internet isn’t filled with people with the best intentions so I’ll stick to the outfit posts for now. Hope thats ok

Love

Bronwyn

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