Ermmm so, I’m literally typing this with sweaty palms for two reasons:
1. You, my mum and my family, will be reading this!!
2. The thought of sharing something so personal and intimate makes it hard to share.
“FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY” – Susan Jeffers.
Before I share MY story and views,
•This is not written to judge or condemn anyone, I have my shortfalls too just like every human being on planet earth.
•These are my views, and it’s okay if yours differ from mine, I respect that and I love you the same.
•Take my advice with a pinch of salt as I don’t have it all figured out.
So let’s get to it.
The WAIT (sex before marriage)
This seems to be a controversial topic nowadays, mainly because we are in a generation where we as Christians like to compromise and dilute the word to fit our own agendas or surroundings. The Bible talks about fornication and explains that out of ALL the sins, this is the only sin where you play yourself. This is because it can come with extra baggage (see the verse below).
1st Corinthians 6:12-20 (EASY TO READ VERSION)
““I am allowed to do anything,” you say. My answer to this is that not all things are good. Even if it is true that “I am allowed to do anything,” I will not let anything control me like a slave. Someone else says, “Food is for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” Yes, and God will destroy them both. But the body is not for sexual sin. The body is for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. And God will raise our bodies from death with the same power he used to raise the Lord Jesus. Surely you know that your bodies are parts of Christ himself. So I must never take what is part of Christ and join it to a prostitute! The Scriptures say, “The two people will become one.” So you should know that anyone who is joined with a prostitute becomes one with her in body. But anyone who is joined with the Lord is one with him in spirit. So run away from sexual sin. It involves the body in a way that no other sin does. So if you commit sexual sin, you are sinning against your own body. You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit that you received from God and that lives in you. You don’t own yourselves. God paid a very high price to make you his. So honor God with your body.”
As Christians, our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, which means we have to be intentional about what we let in our bodies and spirit. By “we” I mean Christians, men and women so the journey of purity is NOT only for women or girls, it’s for all believers. Can I get an AMEN?! So while many (myself included) are practising purity “the wait”, that is just one way of keeping your temple pure for God BUT the story doesn’t end there. What good is it that you say “I’m pure because I’m a virgin” yet you still let jealousy, anger, hatred, unforgiveness e.t.c dwell in your temple? I believe as a Christian, purity is not only exercised by not engaging in sexual activities before marriage but your whole life should be an example and a reflection of Christ.
My reason for waiting is more spiritual than anything else. But I know this differs from person to person. Some people are just scared of potential consequences while others do so for cultural reasons.
To be fairly honest, my reason for waiting is not because I want to make my man proud. I mean while that’s nice to know, I believe if your intentions are to please a human being like you, you are more likely to be disappointed. What if your partner’s body count is wayyyyyy higher than yours? What if your potential husband or wife laughs at you for waiting because they are not about that life? How will you feel? Do you get the point?
I have noticed that “celibacy” is the new trend just like how veganism has become the new cool. While this is great as it shows a growing openness to change within our society, I personally don’t believe in following trends just because it’s the “in thing”. Really ask yourself, why am I waiting to have sex until I get married?!
•For me, it’s because I want to honour God and my body. I promise you, honouring God comes with treats and rewards it’s not in vain. –Galatians 6:9-
•My other reason is based on self-respect and the ability to practice self-control on a whole new level. From conversations with many different people, some have confessed that sex did cloud their mind in choosing the right spouse. Some people may be aware that this person is not good for me but the soul tie and emotional connection makes it so hard to leave.
I feel waiting helps you communicate more with your partner and actively solve problems. I mean once you get married, sex will be a bonus rather than being the problem solver, cause once you are done, the problems will still be staring at you like 👀👀
While many have explained that I am missing out, I know I’m not missing out. Believe me I am enjoying my youth and working towards my goals. Not to mention that I sleep well at night without worrying about what ifs. And besides, you have a whole “until death do you part” to enjoy yourself, so what’s the rush?!
NOW DON’T get me wrong, I’m not outchea claiming that the wait is easy or lit. Some days, THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!!!!! Mainly because, we are humans, our bodies are bound to be tested to check if your body is functioning right. Oh, not to forget hormones, now that’s another story for another day. Did I mention how temptation is all around, yeh you know that fine brother or sister hollering in your D.M?! Oh wait, how about the times you might feel left out or get people who laugh at your journey?
THESE ARE SOME OF THE REAL STRUGGLES that people don’t talk about. For me, the fear of God, my relationship with Him and my reason for waiting has kept me going. Also knowing that God sees that I’m trying, I know my reward awaits me 😊. Most importantly, God is a loving and a forgiving Father, He is there to pick me up when I fall. So if you fall, don’t stay down or listen to the enemy telling you, “you’ve messed up, God can’t forgive you now”. God loves you as you are, flaws and all…. Acknowledge your shortfalls in the season of waiting, confess them to your Heavenly Father and ask for strength and the ability to resist temptation. – 1 John 1:1-10 –
Lastly, don’t lean on your own understanding – Proverbs 3:5 -. Trust me, I have been there when I thought I got this but I fell painfully. Pray about it and put practical steps and principals which guide you on this journey. Self-awareness is a major key, know your strengths and weaknesses especially when you are in a relationship with someone before marriage. If you know that you can’t be trusted to be left alone in a room with the person you love, try doing fun things in public. Anyway, let me stop here because I can go on all day.
It’s never too late to start again no matter how bad your history is.
Pray and ask God to help you along this journey, you’ll NEED it!!
Sit down and really think, why am I actually waiting before marriage?
Not everyone will understand your reasons, and that’s okay. Don’t sweat buckets trying to make people understand your principles and values.
DO NOT JUDGE OTHERS who are not on the same journey as you. –Matthew 7: 1-3-
Self-awareness is important, know your strengths and weakness in all areas of your life. Know your triggers and PRACTICAL ways to work on these.
Assess your environment, boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, what you see and entertain. Are your friends helping you to peruse this goal? If not, what is the solution?
Is your boyfriend/girlfriend in agreement and wants to pursue this journey with you?
What do you watch, listen and think about in your mind? Does that help you reach your goal? If not, what are you going to do about it?
I think that will do for today. Remember, with God all things are possible. No one is born with the super-power to wait, you just have to try and be able to forgive yourself with every shortfall that comes your way.
Follow Vimbai on Instagram @free_feather